She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
