no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your penis caused this!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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