If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
