can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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