do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
