It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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