My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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