Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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