A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
