I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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