If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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