If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Text me some of your sweat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
