I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
