I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
do nipples grow back?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
