I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
