my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
