maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
