Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
