Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
