Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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