Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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