not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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