There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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