I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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