What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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