like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
that's an acceptable place to lick
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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