I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
