To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
