butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
