GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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