Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
