i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
