it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
