Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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