Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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