the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
