i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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