This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
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