before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
