Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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