last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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