I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
