Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
did you just send me my own nude
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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