I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
