and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
