Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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