just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
