You can't motorboat a personality
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
