you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
