Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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