we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How does one acquire holy water?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
