and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
