okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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