you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
