So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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