I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
