Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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