pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
