awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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