if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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