I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
