he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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