I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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