I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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