I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
