you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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