dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
