have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
