I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
