I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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